Dear Maternity Pants

Yesterday I pulled a pair of pants out of the clean laundry basket and carefully squeezed my body into the denim that I remember being a lot more forgiving a month ago - only to look up to see my adoring husband staring at me with a look that expressed both sympathy and confusion.

“Why don’t you wear your maternity pants today? They’ll be a lot more comfortable.”

The fact that he was brave enough to give this suggestion to his pregnant wife, tells you something about the man I married and although there was a 50-50 chance my pregnancy hormones would cause me to bite his face off for implying my jeans no longer fit, I simply pulled (with all my might) at the waist line to emphasize there was still plenty of room to be had and said “Nah, they still fit.”

My futile attempts at convincing Devin of this was met with a face that expressed so clearly “Do they? Do they really fit?” In fact, he is right, there is not still plenty of room and these are a pair of the comfy pants I kept around from my weight loss journey – I am not even looking at the size 8s I bought before our honeymoon because I have a feeling they too will betray me. So as I find myself feeling more like Violet Beauregarde by the day I am accepting the fact that my time with my beloved panel-less jeans is coming to an end and the days of maternity pants, and leggings, and tights, and flowy dresses are quickly approaching. 

Thus, here is an open letter to my maternity pants.

Dear Maternity Pants,

I have always thought you looked exceptionally comfortable, and the days that I stumbled upon you because department stores make a cruel joke of putting plus sized clothes next to maternity clothes, I thought you resembled a socially acceptable form of pajama jeans. I’ll admit you have your benefits, but you also have some major drawbacks that have me attempting to stuff myself into my familiar pre-pregnancy jeans.

Adding you to my wardrobe has left me feeling like I am learning to dress myself all over again, which is tough because I never really felt like I had a handle on my style in the first place. I was a frumpy dresser in high school, a convenient dresser in college (and wearing fashions that did not always flatter my body) and in grad school after losing 125 lbs I was in the midst of figuring out what I could and could not put on my changing body when I found out baby would make 3. So here I am, confused – again – about what fabric I am supposed to wrap around myself. I currently own three pairs of you and I’d l to address you all individually.

My Target Pair: You look great when you are all pulled up into the right position, and for that I thank you. Your problem? You’re just a bit too baggy in the thighs and crotch area and subsequently slip down throughout the day which leaves me having to hike you back up. You give me the odd feeling that maybe my butt crack is showing which is nearly impossible in maternity pants because the stretchy panel comes up to my boobs. Nearly. Perhaps I will grow into you and we will be fast friends, but for now I find you an acceptable go to when I actually feel like being able to breathe while wearing pants. 

(Is this me? Let me check. Nope because I have a foot of spandex covering my underwear.)

My Old Navy Pair: Thank you for being the correct size in both my legs and mid-region, however the jean portion of you just doesn't seem to come up high enough, so without an extra-long shirt I am left with a spandex panel covered belly exposed to the world. Which I am guessing looks something like this:

Plus you are "skinny jeans" which just seems like a horrible name for anything maternity related because I am not feeling very skinny at the moment and probably won't until I am not harboring a human in my uterus. And even then I will probably feel a lot more like Baby Huey than I care to admit. However you are pretty darn comfy and despite your listed transgressions I am pleased to be wearing you as I type this affectionate letter.

My Gap Pair: To be honest I haven’t even worn you yet because when I got you home and I tried you on I realized you were in fact a pair of 1970s bell bottoms. Not flared, not even extra flared. Bell. Bottoms. My ankles are swimming in fabric. Even Devin, who is a man with little opinion on female fashion responded with a "Woah! Those are some serious bell bottoms." Come on Gap, I thought I could trust you. You seemed like such a great consignment find that I didn't even worry about trying you on (not that there was anywhere to try you on at the barn sale where we found each other). Get it together Gap, my ankles need space but not that much space.

Wait. I hear your ankles can swell during pregnancy. Should I anticipate that much swelling!?

(Not an actual photo but might as well be because these pants are not messing around)

Despite your flaws I have to say there is something very special about slipping you on and pulling your spandex panel up over my belly, which has only just begun to pop but will certainly grow larger by the week. I love that each time my pants become noticeably tighter I am met with the fact that baby is getting bigger and taking up more space than they did the day before. Plus you do have your perks; at least I don’t have to deal with a button and zipper every time I step into the bathroom, which is often, because apparently growing babies also like to punch your bladder to pass the time, or so I read.

Love,

The lady whose stomach you will be charged with fiercely trying to keep contained for the next 5 months

Becoming a Mother in Graduate School: Funding

Before I got pregnant in December, I spent a long time searching for blogs that spoke on the topic of becoming a parent in graduate school. Much to my disappointment there was very little available and many of the articles that had been written about the topic were not quite glowing. I so badly wanted there to be a magical blog or article telling me it was ok, I wasn't giving academia the middle finger by choosing to start a family - which is a whole different issue I will address in another post - but such perspectives were rare and hard to find. So I knew that when we had a baby on the way I would try my best to share an accurate representation of my experience as a grad school mommy - which I am learning is not paved in gold,because in fact it's not paved at all.

My first draft of this post was really long so I decided to break it up into various topics. The first stop - funding, because this was something I diligently researched before getting pregnant with no fruitful outcome.  In fact before I got pregnant I emailed our HR person to ask about maternity leave, because I am a planner. I generally wanted to know what policy was in place and this was her response:

I would talk directly to your department regarding what time you will need off and also see if some of it may need to be unpaid.

Ok....

Then she sent me a link for some general information for employees. Which was not helpful in the slightest because 1) I don't count as an employee 2) The information she sent back only mentioned sick time, vacation time, jury duty, and holidays. 

This is where things get tricky. Despite the fact that as a PhD  student I receive all of my income from a stipend, I am not an employee. Which is fine by me, I mean call me whatever you want as long as my paycheck shows up. But that means things like sick leave, vacation days, and holidays mean nothing in my world. I took off two weeks for my honeymoon - I didn't check to see how many days I had available to take off. I didn't have to decide if some of these would be paid, if some would be unpaid, or if the fact that it fell over Christmas would mean I was able to use a holiday. I just told my boss that I would be gone and he said "Have a great time." When the holidays roll around our boss has no idea who will be in or what their hours will be. I decide with my lab mates who wants to cover what days and what days we will decide to close the lab down all together. This also means that when I work 7 days a week for 60 hours I get no more than those two weeks I spent on my honeymoon. I guess you could say we are salary in that way, but not really, because remember I am not an employee. 

So when it comes to maternity leave there are no real answers. How much time can I take off? Will it be paid or unpaid? Will insurance still be available to me? There are currently no policies in place at the University of Iowa for maternity leave as a graduate student- which is frustrating and means my answers to these questions are murky at best. Especially when a quick google search will tell you that other Universities have policies in place to support pregnant graduate students (examples of which can be viewed here, here, and here).

Thus at my current institution we are left with a problem wherein there is no consistency from one pregnant graduate student in my department to the next - meaning it's hard to ask for advice. If one person is supported by a national fellowship they will continue to receive their funding during maternity leave and will need to work out with their advisor how much time they can take off. If you are paid by your advisor (as in your are on a research assistantship) they may say you will receive no funding at all while you are on maternity leave. If you are paid as a teaching assistant, things are even more unclear and are dealt with on a case by case basis. 

I luckily, will be supported by a graduate college fellowship in the fall and thus will still receive a pay check for the time I am gone (likely 8 weeks). While I am thankful for this, it does not sit well with me that no one has taken the time to put a policy in place for graduate students who choose to also be parents. And whether they know it or not, not having a policy sends one message to me : This is your problem and graduate school is not a time to be starting a family. Perhaps that is reading too much into things, but for now I just can't seem to draw any other conclusions when the major research institute I am employed by hasn't considered the possibility that women in their mid-late 20's may consider starting a family. 

And although it may be shocking to learn that earning a PhD does not mean your uterus ceases to function - I hope the UI gets the message sooner than later. 

Sunny Saturday

On weekends when Devin and I don't leave the state I usually end up working at least one day during the weekend, and this weekend that day was Sunday, which meant Saturday was wide open for excursions and adventures!

I started the day by watching the newest episode of Pioneer Woman, who I am deeply and unabashedly in love with. I'm not sure if it's her red hair, her sweet demeanor, or all the amazing food she cooks but I am hooked on Ree Drummond. While we watched her whip up a fabulous dessert panini Devin kept saying "That's SO much butter!" Yes sir. Yes it is. She is not afraid of butter and does not apologize for decadent things like a dessert panini filled with marshmallow fluff, strawberries, and nutella - more reasons to love her pioneer ways!

I then did one of my workout tapes which made me feel only slightly better about our first stop of the day: A Mexican lunch buffet! Devin and I both LOVE Mexican food and when we saw that a restaurant a few towns over has a lunch buffet on the weekends we knew we had to try it out. It was definitely tasty and we both concluded we would go back again. It actually reminded me a lot of our wedding meal (which if you weren't aware was a fajita bar because that is how much we love Mexican food) - they had beef and chicken to make fajitas, rice and beans, shredded chicken, guacamole, queso dip,  AND chicken nuggets...presumably for children but one might have made its way onto my plate.

Then it was off to Babies R Us. I had a few strollers I wanted to look at and thought it would be fun to peruse the baby gear to start narrowing down what we want to get for our little nugget. Nothing will make you feel more like a first time parent than walking into Babies R Us. We are champions of shopping for onesies, and my doctors appointments have been smooth sailing (Yup baby is still located in your uterus and still getting bigger). But the baby store is a whole new ballgame. Devin and I fumbled over latches, buckles, buttons, levers, snaps, and belts trying to figure out how all this stuff is supposed to work. Luckily, I had watched a few videos on the specific strollers we wanted to try out so looking at those went a little smoother...but seriously just a little. I definitely got the car seat jammed into the stroller with no hope of getting it out leaving my husband to struggle with the contraption for a few minutes before he could finally yank it free.

Yeah. We need a little practice.

Next up was highchairs which was the biggest debacle of the day. There were like a million buttons and as we pressed each one it never seemed to do what we expected. The seat was sliding up and down (it goes so low, why does it need to go so low? Are you feeding your baby while sitting cross legged on the floor??) and we couldn't figure out how to fold it up while also folding up the tray. So yeah. If you want to know what pre-parenthood looks like you can imagine 2 grown (fairly well educated) adults investigating a high chair like it was dropped from the sky from another planet. Is this even a button? No that's just a screw. High chairs: 1 Cosmes: 0.

The other problem is there are a million options for any item you want to purchase. And if you ask for advice one person will tell you that this swing is all their baby used and it was a complete life saver, while the next mommy will inform you that that same swing was a complete waste of money and never got used by baby once (the same thing happens if you venture into the review sections on any internet site selling baby items). This reminds me a lot of when I did speech and in the same round one judge would say your introduction was beautiful and moving and perfection and another judge sitting one foot away from them would say they did not understand the point of your introduction at all and would suggest a full rewrite. Aye gee. So the point is we have no idea what baby will like because baby is the size of an apple who just got the ability to hear muffled sounds this week. (Hellllloooooo baby! Can you hear my growling tummy??) Thus I am taking a deep breath and taking a guess, looking for deals, and accepting the fact that we are going to figure these things out in due time. And we will figure them out quickly, because babies come with a pretty fast learning curve. If our stroller is complete crap, we will learn, and next time around we will laugh about that shitty stroller we bought for our baby number 1 and tell baby number 2 how grateful they should be that we have (some) things figured out.

Laughing. As we try to navigate this new strange world with bottles and nipples (there are so many different nipples), and strollers, and bouncers, and swings, and swaddlers, and humidifiers, and pumps, we are going to try and laugh as much we can and remember that with a little laughter and a lot of love our baby will probably forgive us for not having their preferred swing immediately upon entering this world.

After a trip through baby gear land we needed a little pick me up and stopped for Froyo which is the perfect thing for any Saturday afternoon. Also, they had jelly beans in honor of Easter and I am a jelly bean-aholic so it was a great surprise! We spent some time just relaxing at home before deciding we needed dinner of some kind. We initially planned to do a nice pasta dinner, but on our way to the check out Devin spotted tater tots...so we abandoned everything in our arms for a bag of frozen potatoes and chicken tenders (don't worry antibiotic free!). Hey we don't need to set a good example yet. Then we came home and warmed up our frozen feast, brought the mattress out into the living room, and had a splendid evening lying on the living room floor watching Mockingjay (which was not as good as I expected - bummer).

I have to admit having a wonderful Saturday always makes coming into work on Sunday a little easier. A little.

Meet Our Fetus....aka the most expensive honeymoon souvenir of all time

Oh my goodness, I can’t believe our little secret is finally out in the open! If you know me, you are aware that I am the worst secret keeper of all time so the fact that I have been keeping this secret for 10 weeks now is insanity. I know I have been light on blog content lately but to be honest the most pressing thing on my mind is this growing little person that we can’t wait to meet, thus I have been patiently waiting to tell the world and let you in on all the details. In my limited experience so far, I have found the first thing that happens when you tell someone you are growing a human is a string of totally understandable and reasonable questions. So here are some answers to the top 10 questions we have been asked. (Also I've peppered pictures of our little nugget throughout this post because we are already over the moon with them. They have a head! And arms! AND FINGERS! All great news in our book.)

Are you excited?

So Excited! And so terrified. And somewhere in-between thinking the next 6 months can’t pass fast enough and hoping these 6 months drag on forever so we have enough time to prepare for the little life we are about to be in charge of.

When are you due?

September 14. Though I am perpetually late, so if the baby takes after me we shouldn’t see it until October. Devin is religiously on time though, so really all of September is up for grabs.

(Here is baby just chilling in the womb. The ultrasound tech needed to take a specific measurement so she kept shaking my tummy to get baby to turn over so I got to see him/her doing all kinds of flips and turns. Impressive for someone the size of a peach.)

Are you going to find out if it is a girl or a boy?

100% for sure because even though I like surprises we need some time to narrow down names and figure out what section of the consignment store to start shopping from. You can only find so many gender neutral onsies on sale for 99 cents, and I don’t think a little girl wants to wear a shirt that says “Mommy’s little guy”.

Are you going to share the name before they are born?

We plan to keep this a secret until they actually show up because we have to have something to surprise y’all with.

Was this baby a surprise?

Aren’t all babies kind of a surprise? No matter how much you plan you never know how long you will be in “trying” phase. We did in fact plan for this baby and had known for about a year we would start trying in December (post wedding but not pre-honeymoon because I wanted to have ALL the drinks on our West Coast adventure) but we had no idea  baby would be so eager to join us! I suppose our little nugget just couldn’t wait to join our family.

(See I told you it has a head and a little nose. As Devin said "Dang, that's a good looking baby.")

How did you find out?

I had read so many things where women said they “just knew”, so when I had inkling I wasn’t sure if I was being crazy or if there was in fact some serious cell division occurring in my uterus. I googled pregnancy symptoms over and over again wondering if it was possible for them to show up only 3 weeks in (it is) and kept checking my boobs to see if they were more sore than normal, less sore, the same amount of sore…should boobs ever be sore? So because I am impatient, I took a string of tests at points when there wasn’t even a chance I could get a positive because it was WAY too soon. Then the day after New Year’s when Devin left for work I took a test thinking there was a chance it could be positive but assuming it was still probably too soon (I was still 3 days away from my monthly nemesis arriving) and then there it was! A faint but distinct pink line. So I cried and stared at it, and took a picture so I could stare at it during the day and remind myself this was really happening. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a false positive before I let Devin know, so during lunchtime I went to CVS and bought two more tests and took one in the store bathroom. Another positive. I then decided to plan a fun way to let the Daddy-to-be know we were in business. However, at around 2:30 he called me to say he was on his way home. Since he normally wouldn’t have been home till 6:00 I found this odd, and he quickly told me he had been laid off. Yeepers. I revised my plan and decided I would start with cupcakes. Once we got home I handed him a bag and said “Here I got you something since you had such a bad day.” He took out the cupcakes much to his delight and then noticed there was another box in the bag. When he opened it there was a note on the lid of the box that said This is good for one pizza of your choosing, but save some for Cate…she’s eating for 2! And hidden beneath a napkin in the box were the two positive pregnancy tests I had taken that day. Needless to say he was pretty excited and then we ordered a pizza because how else do you celebrate such exciting news?

Are you planning to have a natural birth?

We are planning to avoid all medical interventions and have hired a doula to help us achieve that goal, but we are also realistic in our expectations and understand that a birth plan is just a plan and we may need to deviate from our exact expectations on game day.

(Here is a tiny arm that just kills me with how cute it is. Ahh I can't wait to cover that chubby little arms with kisses.)

Have you been terribly sick?

No vomit here! I did have some pretty intense nausea and tummy trouble but no tossing of cookies and now that I’m sliding into the second trimester things are going wonderfully. Baby and I are certainly off to a great start.

Have you already started buying adorable baby clothes?

I finally broke down this weekend, and purchased a few onesies at a local thrift shop because they were SO cheap and I figure if we pick up things little by little we won’t have to stress about it too much later. Also I say “broke down” not because it is something I don’t want to do but because once I open Pandora’s box of baby clothes I’m afraid there is no going back, if I’m not careful I will be drowning in sweet tiny sweat pants, adorable hats for tiny noggins, and itty bitty Toms for a human who doesn’t even walk.

More than clothes though, we have started buying books a plenty because I want baby’s library to be stacked! One of the things I am most looking forward to is story time with baby, so hopefully they find my selections acceptable and enjoyable.

How did you tell your parents?

We definitely had the most fun telling them – partly because it is their first time becoming grandparents and they were also the very first people we got to tell. Since my dad’s birthday and parents’ anniversary was right around the corner we told them we got them some presents. My mom’s was a little onesie that said “Grandma keeps me looking cute” and it had a note that said “I hear you love shopping! I can’t wait to see what you pick out for me to wear when I arrive in September.” My dad’s was a book called I already know I love you and it had a note that said “I hear you love reading. Would you read this to me when I arrive in September?” My mom figured it out first because she is inspector gadget but my Dad wasn’t far behind and then there were hugs and tears (from everyone involved) and SO MUCH excitement followed by a delicious dinner with no alcohol for Cate. 

(Baby gave me a little high 5 with their tiny hand. Back at you baby.)

Why my wedding wasn't the best day of my life (or the year)

My wedding was not the best day of my life, or even this year. It’s pretty high up there and would definitely make the top ten list of the year’s events but the BEST? Out of all 365 days? Not quite.

When I first realized this admission to be true, I felt a tremendous pang of guilt. Did that mean my marriage was doomed? I felt that looking back at the year there should have been no contest. The wedding day should take the cake, right? (Pun very much intended).  So often we hear that wedding days are impossible to oust as the best day of a person’s entire life. Woah. Talk about pressure. Our wedding was perfect. There’s not one thing I would change about it, the dress was beautiful, we had a room full of people we love, our ceremony was meaningful and personal – which is exactly what I wanted, and the pictures came out perfect. I loved that day so very much. If I could relive that day I would in a second, yet for me it just doesn’t win out as the hands down BEST day of the year.

Perhaps because while our wedding day was a significant event in our love story it was hardly the best representation of how we love each other. Our love is not full of pomp and circumstance; it is simple at its core. It is easy going, it is spontaneous, it is rough around the edges, and it does not fit easily into spreadsheets meant to impose some type of organization on the world (our wedding had LOTS of spreadsheets). Our wedding day was not the day I finally realized Devin would be at my side for the rest of my life, and to be honest I didn’t even feel that way when he proposed. I believe that’s because these defining moments didn’t serve to define anything for me. They were celebrations – yes, but they were not the promises. The promises came when we least expected them. The true promises came after fights that threatened to tear us apart but didn’t. In the silence that followed our personal storms, a silence that was filled with inward reflection and unwavering presence. In these moments, the moments we could have walked out the door but didn’t, is where I found the promise of forever. There were whole conversations where we struggled to find the right words because we knew how much they mattered, we knew that taking the time to be understood and to understand the other was pivotal. In those conversations I heard the promise of love. All the promises meant for our wedding day came in the days we spent laughing, and lovingly poking fun at each other, and falling asleep a little more in love than we had been when we awoke. The promise of fidelity came in the face of opportunities to stray. The promise of partnership arrived in joint bank accounts and leases holding both our signatures. We went back to work the Monday after our wedding as if nothing had changed, because for us nothing really had changed. Maybe to the world we were now more united, and in a way our marriage had made our relationship more definable to others. But we knew long before we exchanged rings that this thing we were doing, this life we were building, it was forever.

So what is the best day of the year? Of course I can’t choose just one. But I can tell you what types of days come to mind: the days when connections were strengthened, relationships reaffirmed, and the ones that didn’t go by too fast. Our wedding flew by, and that’s one reason I would love to revisit it. But some of the best days are the ones that unfold lazily. I love days that have unexpected trajectories, which my husband won’t believe because I over plan everything, but it’s true.

So here’s my top 11 list (because 11 if my lucky number) in no particular order.

1.      The Fourth of July

Devin planned a surprise day trip to Des Moines for us and the whole day was a surprise. We had an amazing sushi lunch, went to the Zoo, enjoyed ice cream while looking at the sculpture garden, drove around looking for a place to do pedicures (to no avail) and finally got to eat at zombie burger! Where we of course tried their alcoholic milkshakes so good.

2.      Beach Day with my sister at Manhattan Beach

We totally got our asses beat by the ocean and laid in the sand talking for so long that we both got sunburns. We talked for hours and hours and had such a blast catching up. Plus we got delicious ice cream from a little ice cream shop near the beach and had to race to eat it before it melted – ice cream is a theme of my favorite days. Plus we had a delicious seafood lunch with oysters (yummy!). Such a beautiful and perfect summer day.

3.      Our Day in Dubuque with my Parents

If you know me, you know I love to jam a million things into one day. See later entries on this list for further proof. For the past two summers we have gone on a Midwest weekend getaway with my parents and this year we went to Dubuque. We went to the river museum (and got to see a lumberjack show!) and explored Galena. Another all too fun Summer day.

4.      The day of Camille’s Going Away Party

This year my best friend and partner in crime Camille started a 2 year commitment as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Madagascar and before she left we spent a perfect last day together. She gave me a tour of her home town and I finally got to see the backdrops for all the stories I had heard about Liberty, MO over the years. She took me to the square where we got awesome cookies and I got to meet some of her friends. We had delicious food at her going away party and I got to meet so many people that were so special to Camille, all the people who were going to miss her as much as I would over the next two years. And of course we ended the night with champagne and talks about the future, our favorite pastime.

5.      The day I found my wedding dress with my Mom and Sister

It was only the second shop we went to but when I tried on that dress I loved it so much! It was out of the price range we had started with but once she added the vail I was sold. We still had another appointment to go to that day that I wanted to honor so before we left the woman had me put on the dress and walk out of the room to an area where a large mirror was set up. She told me not to look up until I was positioned on the block in front of the mirrors, while we were walking to the area my heart started beating faster and when I was finally positioned in front of the mirror and she told me to look up at myself my eye filled with tears almost instantly. It was the dress.

6.      Thanksgiving day with my family

I LOVE the holiday season. Trees, lights, carolers, advent calendars, bells, whistles. The whole thing. However, as I’ve gotten older Christmas has started to feel less Christmasy. Without a big family gathering and little kids waking us up at 7 am to open presents, it just doesn’t have the same spark it once did.  Thanksgiving however, has maintained its delicious charm. We still make our traditional favorites and even tried out some new recipes this year (bad idea, I made the WORST stuffing on the planet, and 2 plates of fudge that stayed a goopy mess). It was a wonderful day spent eating with family, my two favorite things in life.

7.      Devin’s birthday celebration in Chicago

For Devin’s 30^th birthday I planned an awesome day for us in Chicago. I told him we were going to pick up my parents from the airport, but they actually didn’t arrive until 11:00 pm. When we were almost at the airport I told him to grab the flight information from my purse but it was an envelope with directions to his first surprise! We ate lunch at The Publican which he wanted to try for a very long time, then we ate doughnuts, visited the art institute, got drinks from Starbucks and ate cookies in Millennium Park, got some cocktails at a champagne bar, ate dinner at Devin’s favorite restaurant – Wildfire, saw Blue Man Group, and found dessert cocktails that blew Devin’s mind. Boom! A wonderful day full of adventure for my dear 30 year old husband.

8.      My bachelorette party

What an awesome day this was! I got to spend so much time with so many people I adore. They even indulged me and started the day at the Museum of Science and Industry. We played games, and I got a sash and a crown, and we went to some pretty awesome bars in one of my favorite neighborhoods in Chicago. Definitely a day filled to the brim with laughs and love.

9.      Our wedding shower

This was another fabulous day we got to spend with family and friends! My family put so much work into getting it all together and it was a wonderful party. The food was to die for. Man, I had SO many helpings of everything. We got to spend quality time talking with people we hadn’t seen in too long and we ended the day by going to buy my new engagement ring (which replaced the JC Penny one Devin proposed with, which I also loved because it was what we could afford at the time and he picked it out all by himself).

10.   Disneyland

I loved our whole honeymoon but if I had to pick a favorite day it was our day at Disneyland. As Devin told me on that day “We really should have done this last because everything after this will just be downhill for you.” We honestly had so many spectacular adventures while on the West Coast but Disneyland topped the list (even if their castle isn’t as big as Cinderella’s).

11.   Of course our wedding day

I told you it would make the list. One of the things I loved most about our wedding day was how many people put all their hands on deck with me as the crazy captain. People were hot gluing, carrying boxes, packing boxes, unpacking boxes, cooking, cleaning, running errands, double checking lists, making phone calls, buying last minute items, and all the while doing it with a smile. If you want to know who really loves you, plan a wedding. I hope you, like I, will be as overwhelmed with how many people will mean it when they say they want to help make your day as special as possible.

At one point in the planning my mom said something about how she knew it wasn’t the wedding I had always dreamed of, but she hoped it would still be a wonderful day for us. She was right, it wasn’t the wedding I dreamed of because I am an extravagant and over the top fool. I mean I dreamed of getting married at the Chicago Theater or the Museum of Science and Industry – did I think I was going to marry a Kardashian? Our wedding was better than anything I had ever dreamed of because I used to dream about my wedding before I had a Devin. So those dreams were vacant, and lacked the details that grew out of my love for this wonderful man I agreed to call my husband. No, our wedding wasn’t a dream; it was everything I never knew I wanted (a phrase I usually tell to Devin to describe how I feel about our relationship). It was small which meant we got to spend more time with each guest, it was done on a budget which left us more money for a baller honeymoon, and it had homemade bits of Devin and I bursting through at every corner.

Life has been good to us this year. It’s been great to us actually, and when we look back at 2014 we will certainly remember that this is the year we officially joined our lives together as one unit but there will be so many other things to remember. We have been blessed. Our wedding brought us the opportunity to make new memories with people we love and between planning, meetings with vendors, conversations about centerpieces and dance practice our wedding was ever present on our minds throughout the year. But the best day? How can I pick just one?

Lucky 11. The last day.

Our last day was a definite Cate day. Most of our honeymoon was pretty relaxed, an activity in the morning and then chilling at night. Those are not Cate days, those are Devin days. My ideal vacation day is jam packed with activities from morning till night and indeed that is how we spent our last day.

We started the morning by cleaning up our rental home because we are decent people. Then we ventured to the Fishermans Wharf where we were staying  for the night. We dropped our bags at 10:40 and did not return for 12+ hours. We started by touring Pier 39 which was bustling with people and very lively. We had a 12:00 tour of Alcatraz though so  after a loop of Pier 39 we hopped on a boat and ventured towards Alcatraz. 

They have a "world famous" audio tour, which is possibly famous in the audio tour world - I can't be sure, but was really top notch! The prison was so cool. They tell you about the history and about escape attempts and daily life. I thought it was absolutely fascinating. Especially the solitary confinement cells. I went into one and sat down and my heart started racing immediately. Very creepy. Devin on the other hand does not like tours or taking pictures of me in classic vacation poses-so I don't think Alcatraz was his favorite part of the trip. 

Then we came back to the mainland and stopped at Pier 39 again where we rode on the carousel. I got a panda on the second tier (prime carousel real estate) and Devin got on a dolphin behind me. He's a really great sport about these kinds of things and it's one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. 

Then we walked over to Ghiradelli Square where we got this amazing peanut butter and hot fudge sundae with cookie dough ice cream. So much decadence in one cup. 

Then it was on to an uber and off to Haight-Ashbury where we walked around and looked in some of the shops. We stopped in a really cool music store where I of course spent most of my time looking at all the interesting books they had. It felt very Empire Records in there and I so wished I could be the kind of person who frequents those stores and is laid back and cool. Instead I am a nerdy scientist. It's ok, I've come to terms with it. We found a fabulous rum bar (whose name I didn't even notice as we drifted through the door) and took advantage of their happy hour which featured rum punches for $3. Here is Devin enjoying our drinks. 

Then we stopped at Blue Front Cafe on Haight street to get a gyro because our dinner reservations weren't till 9 and I was feeling a bit peckish. Man. They were amazing. Gyros are kind of Devin and I's food. Most places we go we try to find a gyro place to see how it compares to our all time favorite gyros and we both like different things in a gyro so the competition for reigning gyro is a tough one. These however were superb! Definitely extremely high marks from both of us (and the falafel was also one of the best I've had). 

Devin says this was his favorite meal of the night but I think my favorite meal came at our 9 pm dinner reservation.

After the gyro we grabbed another few drinks in the area and I found a dinosaur to take pictures with! That picture is sadly on my camera though. The Dino had a note painted on him that sad "don't sit on me" and even though I really wanted to get on top of him, I know how to follow rules so I posed next to him. Then a man came out of the store and said if I really wanted to sit on the dinosaur, he wouldn't mind as long as I was very careful. I promised to be careful and climbed a top for a picture with an all too large smile.

Next it was off to Union Square! We saw the big Christmas tree, and went into Macy's to use this bathroom and also look at the decorations. We also stopped at the Fairmont Hotel which has a giant gingerbread house in it! The house is so popular we had to stand in line, to which Devin said "Want to know how you can be sure I love you-I'm standing in line to see a gingerbread house." It was pretty cool! Maybe not wait in line worthy. But still cool. 

Then it was time for dinner at the House of Prime Rib. I had read about this place somewhere and booked a reservation immediately, and then saw it on one of Anthony Bourdain's shows and knew we were in for a treat. The menu isn't quite prix fixe but you definitely don't have a ton of options. You choose your cut of prime rib and how you want it cooked. Then you get a salad, choice of mashed or baked potato, creamed spinach or corn, and Yorkshire pudding (for the uninformed like me, it's a bread...not a pudding). The salad came first and they mix it up at the table for you. Wow! What a start. I would go back just for the salad. It had hard boiled eggs, and beets, and this yumtastic vinagrette dressing which is housemate so who even knows what's in it. Then the food came. The meat was tender and juicy and perfectly flavorful. The creamed spinach was as creamy as you could hope and piping hot. I got the mashed potatoes which were smooth and buttery. Devin got the baked which I helped him eat because I was a monster with an endless appetite. I am usually very eh when it comes to baked potatoes but not this one. They brought it to the table still in tact, not wrapped in foil, and insanely hot. Then the waiter broke it open, put in butter, like half a cup of bacon, sour cream, and chives. Also at this place you can get a little extra meat if you are still hungry but we were both filled to the brim. But not too full for dessert. Since we had to wait a bit to order our waiter offered to comp dessert for us and who says no to dessert? Tiramisu it is! Also it barely took anytime to order, definitely not at all noticeablely long. But when a couple sat down at the table next to us we realized they like to do things super fast there, salad out within 5-10 minutes of sitting down fast. So I guess in comparison it did take a bit.  It was such a fabulous meal I would recommend it to anyone who eats meat. If you are a carnivore put it on your must visit list. If your are a vegetarian tell a carnivore in your life to go. 

Then our waiter took a picture of us since we told him it was our honeymoon and printed it our for us to take home. We had planned to go to a cider bar but we were so full and tired we decided to call it a night. Next time cider bar. Next time.

And that was it. Our honeymoon is in the books! We had an absolute blast and now we get to go home and celebrate Christmas with the family. Feeling very lucky indeed this holiday season. 

Day 10. Nerd Day.

Today was museum day! We started the morning by returning the car and walking over to a restaurant I heard was pretty amazing called Brendas. Except after waiting at Tartine, Devin immediately vetoed standing in line for food. So we hopped on public transit and ventured to Golden Gate Park! We started at the Science Academy and Devin demanded I eat something because I had not eaten yet and when I don't eat I get grumpy and when I'm grumpy vacation gets ruined. So we just are at the museum where I had a pretty yummy vegetarian chili and we shared a cookie that I was certain would be terrible because it was all gluten free and vegan friendly and I like my cookies overloaded with junk - but I admit it was quite tasty. 

Then it was time for the museum! Ok. Here's the thing. I grew up outside Chicago which has some of the best museums in the world so I am pretty spoiled. So although the Science Acadmey was cool we went through each exhibit pretty fast and there is really only one floor of activities and then an aquarium downstairs. I enjoyed it but I don't think I could come back with only adults. Now if I had kids I think I would definitely stop in, there were lots of hands on things to do and all the kids seemed to be having a great time. The coolest things were an Earthquale simulator, an albino crocodile, and reindeers that were there for the holidays. Oh we also saw a show at the planetarium that I liked but Devin fell asleep twice and I had to elbow him awake. The planetarium show was narrated by Jodie Foster though and her voice is very soothing so I understand. 

Then before we left we got some chicken fingers to share because it's been ages since I have had any and I was really craving them. Plus there are only so many days till it's back to eating predominantly fruits and veggies. Then we walked over to the deYoung museum where we saw some pretty cool art but our legs were about spent so after an hour we called an uber and went home. 

On Sunday we had collected ingredients for a great homemade dinner so we did just that! We got fresh hand cut pasta from a place called Pasta Gina where we also got some freshly made Alfredo sauce. Then we got a few sausages from a local sausage shop that were all fabulous. Then we finished it off with dessert and asiago bread from a bakery in our neighborhood. Support local we did indeed! 

Here is one of the many desserts we got. We can't be stopped when it comes to desserts. From the bakery we got this little petit four, a lemon tart, two macarons, and then a bag of cookies from a bake sale on the street that was supporting a local dog shelter. 

It was our last night with the hot tub so we soaked and drank more wine and ate and for another night enjoyed the sweet happiness of newlywed life.