Those Summer Days - May 14

This weekend was the first great weekend of the Summer for the Cosme Family. Sure it's still pretty chilly out, but the college kids have gone home for the Summer which means Iowa City has transformed into the magical family friendly wonderland it becomes from mid-May to August. No drunken stumbly messes peppering the sidewalk on the way to the farmer's market, no beer runs clogging up the checkout aisles at HyVee, and best of all SO MUCH parking downtown!!

Saturday we hosted a game night and before people came over we decided we should really deep clean the house because it has been a while. However, when I woke up I looked around and thought "I want to move ALL the furniture somewhere new." So I told Devin and after he shot down all my ideas for a new layout he promised he would move everything himself after he got back from the store. So I patiently waited for him to head out and then went into beast mode so I wouldn't have to compromise about where the furniture went later on (yeah man...I play dirty). Also I felt SO accomplished when it was done because I know Devin didn't think I had the strength to do it, which was obvious when he arrived home because he just looked around and said "What happened? Did you hulk out?!"

Yes. I did.

The best part of the new layout is Rosalind has her very own corner in the living room which she totally digs!

So when you have a daughter that you have lovingly nicknamed Rosie, you are kind of obligated to have at least a few Rosie the Riveter pieces in your home. Here Rosie is looking over Rosie's corner and reminding her "We Can Do It".  

She finds the weirdest things interesting. 

And right now she is in this great stage where she is curious about everything but still not that coordinated so she can't really cause too much chaos. I give this stage another month before interest in the toilet paper turns into an entire roll of toilet paper uncoiled in the corner of the living room.

Oh and Rosie's school pictures came. That smirk is killing me!

By the way this is what Devin found when he came back from shopping and saw the entire living room was rearranged. Totally strategic on my part. You can't be angry at anyone in this image! Also whenever Rosie falls asleep in my lap for a nap it is pretty much the highlight of my day. She's just so squishy!

I am so obsessed with watching this little girl learn about the world around her. I don't even know what I am going to do when she really starts to accomplish things. Right now I am like "You picked up a ball from the slot?! You know what a ball is?? You know how to use your hands?! MY DAUGHTER IS A GENIUS!!!" Poor second kid, we will probably be so jaded by then.  "Oh you're 3 and doing algebra? That's nice..."

Saturday evening was spent with great friends chatting, and playing games and eating some phenomenal snacks. I think that's one of the best things about being an adult actually. Now whenever there is a potluck, people come prepared! There was a fancy as all heck cheese plate, some delicious spinach bites, brownies, a vegetable tray, crackers and meat, watermelon skewers with mozzarella and mint, pizza quinoa bites, banana split bites, and SO MANY SAUSAGES (from Devin's sausage guy up in Cedar Rapids. My sister lives in California and they have a pool guy. We live in Iowa so we have a sausage guy...)

Then Sunday was the best kind of Sunday. The morning was so incredibly lazy. Rosie woke up and hung out in bed with us for a while, then she got sleepy so we put her back in her crib for a nap, and we continued to lay in bed and relax. Then when we finally got the motivation to get going it was noon and we had consumed no food yet so we decided to hit up and Indian buffet in town that we have yet to visit.

Rosie has to eat when other people are eating or she gets pissed off, so I brought some yogurt and was able to capture her little yogurt shiver on camera. I hope to get a better video of it another day because it is just so damn cute.

She also LOVED the Indian food. 

Then we hit the local thrift store because we have been looking for a kitchen table and chairs FOREVER and still have had no luck. Gah. We did see some cool stuff at the thrift store though (which is appropriately named Stuff).

Then I convinced Devin to take me for ice cream (and by convinced him I mean I suggested ice cream and he sped off towards the ice cream shop without a second thought). I got a cookie dough yogurt concoction and Devin got espresso oreo. It was our first time at this particular ice cream shop, which is just a town away, and it was delicious!! I immediately texted my mom and informed her that we needed to go there the next time her and my dad are in town. Also I feel obligated to go back because there are so many flavors, it's really not fair that I had to pick just one. 

I am so excited for all the adventures the next few months are bound to bring, and can't wait for Rosie to experience her first Summer! Swimming pools, picnics, zoos, floppy sun hats, outdoor concerts, baseball games. It's all on the bucket list. Now if the weather would just cooperate we'll be in business. 

Becoming a Mother in Graduate School: Funding

Before I got pregnant in December, I spent a long time searching for blogs that spoke on the topic of becoming a parent in graduate school. Much to my disappointment there was very little available and many of the articles that had been written about the topic were not quite glowing. I so badly wanted there to be a magical blog or article telling me it was ok, I wasn't giving academia the middle finger by choosing to start a family - which is a whole different issue I will address in another post - but such perspectives were rare and hard to find. So I knew that when we had a baby on the way I would try my best to share an accurate representation of my experience as a grad school mommy - which I am learning is not paved in gold,because in fact it's not paved at all.

My first draft of this post was really long so I decided to break it up into various topics. The first stop - funding, because this was something I diligently researched before getting pregnant with no fruitful outcome.  In fact before I got pregnant I emailed our HR person to ask about maternity leave, because I am a planner. I generally wanted to know what policy was in place and this was her response:

I would talk directly to your department regarding what time you will need off and also see if some of it may need to be unpaid.

Ok....

Then she sent me a link for some general information for employees. Which was not helpful in the slightest because 1) I don't count as an employee 2) The information she sent back only mentioned sick time, vacation time, jury duty, and holidays. 

This is where things get tricky. Despite the fact that as a PhD  student I receive all of my income from a stipend, I am not an employee. Which is fine by me, I mean call me whatever you want as long as my paycheck shows up. But that means things like sick leave, vacation days, and holidays mean nothing in my world. I took off two weeks for my honeymoon - I didn't check to see how many days I had available to take off. I didn't have to decide if some of these would be paid, if some would be unpaid, or if the fact that it fell over Christmas would mean I was able to use a holiday. I just told my boss that I would be gone and he said "Have a great time." When the holidays roll around our boss has no idea who will be in or what their hours will be. I decide with my lab mates who wants to cover what days and what days we will decide to close the lab down all together. This also means that when I work 7 days a week for 60 hours I get no more than those two weeks I spent on my honeymoon. I guess you could say we are salary in that way, but not really, because remember I am not an employee. 

So when it comes to maternity leave there are no real answers. How much time can I take off? Will it be paid or unpaid? Will insurance still be available to me? There are currently no policies in place at the University of Iowa for maternity leave as a graduate student- which is frustrating and means my answers to these questions are murky at best. Especially when a quick google search will tell you that other Universities have policies in place to support pregnant graduate students (examples of which can be viewed here, here, and here).

Thus at my current institution we are left with a problem wherein there is no consistency from one pregnant graduate student in my department to the next - meaning it's hard to ask for advice. If one person is supported by a national fellowship they will continue to receive their funding during maternity leave and will need to work out with their advisor how much time they can take off. If you are paid by your advisor (as in your are on a research assistantship) they may say you will receive no funding at all while you are on maternity leave. If you are paid as a teaching assistant, things are even more unclear and are dealt with on a case by case basis. 

I luckily, will be supported by a graduate college fellowship in the fall and thus will still receive a pay check for the time I am gone (likely 8 weeks). While I am thankful for this, it does not sit well with me that no one has taken the time to put a policy in place for graduate students who choose to also be parents. And whether they know it or not, not having a policy sends one message to me : This is your problem and graduate school is not a time to be starting a family. Perhaps that is reading too much into things, but for now I just can't seem to draw any other conclusions when the major research institute I am employed by hasn't considered the possibility that women in their mid-late 20's may consider starting a family. 

And although it may be shocking to learn that earning a PhD does not mean your uterus ceases to function - I hope the UI gets the message sooner than later.