Why my wedding wasn't the best day of my life (or the year)

My wedding was not the best day of my life, or even this year. It’s pretty high up there and would definitely make the top ten list of the year’s events but the BEST? Out of all 365 days? Not quite.

When I first realized this admission to be true, I felt a tremendous pang of guilt. Did that mean my marriage was doomed? I felt that looking back at the year there should have been no contest. The wedding day should take the cake, right? (Pun very much intended).  So often we hear that wedding days are impossible to oust as the best day of a person’s entire life. Woah. Talk about pressure. Our wedding was perfect. There’s not one thing I would change about it, the dress was beautiful, we had a room full of people we love, our ceremony was meaningful and personal – which is exactly what I wanted, and the pictures came out perfect. I loved that day so very much. If I could relive that day I would in a second, yet for me it just doesn’t win out as the hands down BEST day of the year.

Perhaps because while our wedding day was a significant event in our love story it was hardly the best representation of how we love each other. Our love is not full of pomp and circumstance; it is simple at its core. It is easy going, it is spontaneous, it is rough around the edges, and it does not fit easily into spreadsheets meant to impose some type of organization on the world (our wedding had LOTS of spreadsheets). Our wedding day was not the day I finally realized Devin would be at my side for the rest of my life, and to be honest I didn’t even feel that way when he proposed. I believe that’s because these defining moments didn’t serve to define anything for me. They were celebrations – yes, but they were not the promises. The promises came when we least expected them. The true promises came after fights that threatened to tear us apart but didn’t. In the silence that followed our personal storms, a silence that was filled with inward reflection and unwavering presence. In these moments, the moments we could have walked out the door but didn’t, is where I found the promise of forever. There were whole conversations where we struggled to find the right words because we knew how much they mattered, we knew that taking the time to be understood and to understand the other was pivotal. In those conversations I heard the promise of love. All the promises meant for our wedding day came in the days we spent laughing, and lovingly poking fun at each other, and falling asleep a little more in love than we had been when we awoke. The promise of fidelity came in the face of opportunities to stray. The promise of partnership arrived in joint bank accounts and leases holding both our signatures. We went back to work the Monday after our wedding as if nothing had changed, because for us nothing really had changed. Maybe to the world we were now more united, and in a way our marriage had made our relationship more definable to others. But we knew long before we exchanged rings that this thing we were doing, this life we were building, it was forever.

So what is the best day of the year? Of course I can’t choose just one. But I can tell you what types of days come to mind: the days when connections were strengthened, relationships reaffirmed, and the ones that didn’t go by too fast. Our wedding flew by, and that’s one reason I would love to revisit it. But some of the best days are the ones that unfold lazily. I love days that have unexpected trajectories, which my husband won’t believe because I over plan everything, but it’s true.

So here’s my top 11 list (because 11 if my lucky number) in no particular order.

1.      The Fourth of July

Devin planned a surprise day trip to Des Moines for us and the whole day was a surprise. We had an amazing sushi lunch, went to the Zoo, enjoyed ice cream while looking at the sculpture garden, drove around looking for a place to do pedicures (to no avail) and finally got to eat at zombie burger! Where we of course tried their alcoholic milkshakes so good.

2.      Beach Day with my sister at Manhattan Beach

We totally got our asses beat by the ocean and laid in the sand talking for so long that we both got sunburns. We talked for hours and hours and had such a blast catching up. Plus we got delicious ice cream from a little ice cream shop near the beach and had to race to eat it before it melted – ice cream is a theme of my favorite days. Plus we had a delicious seafood lunch with oysters (yummy!). Such a beautiful and perfect summer day.

3.      Our Day in Dubuque with my Parents

If you know me, you know I love to jam a million things into one day. See later entries on this list for further proof. For the past two summers we have gone on a Midwest weekend getaway with my parents and this year we went to Dubuque. We went to the river museum (and got to see a lumberjack show!) and explored Galena. Another all too fun Summer day.

4.      The day of Camille’s Going Away Party

This year my best friend and partner in crime Camille started a 2 year commitment as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Madagascar and before she left we spent a perfect last day together. She gave me a tour of her home town and I finally got to see the backdrops for all the stories I had heard about Liberty, MO over the years. She took me to the square where we got awesome cookies and I got to meet some of her friends. We had delicious food at her going away party and I got to meet so many people that were so special to Camille, all the people who were going to miss her as much as I would over the next two years. And of course we ended the night with champagne and talks about the future, our favorite pastime.

5.      The day I found my wedding dress with my Mom and Sister

It was only the second shop we went to but when I tried on that dress I loved it so much! It was out of the price range we had started with but once she added the vail I was sold. We still had another appointment to go to that day that I wanted to honor so before we left the woman had me put on the dress and walk out of the room to an area where a large mirror was set up. She told me not to look up until I was positioned on the block in front of the mirrors, while we were walking to the area my heart started beating faster and when I was finally positioned in front of the mirror and she told me to look up at myself my eye filled with tears almost instantly. It was the dress.

6.      Thanksgiving day with my family

I LOVE the holiday season. Trees, lights, carolers, advent calendars, bells, whistles. The whole thing. However, as I’ve gotten older Christmas has started to feel less Christmasy. Without a big family gathering and little kids waking us up at 7 am to open presents, it just doesn’t have the same spark it once did.  Thanksgiving however, has maintained its delicious charm. We still make our traditional favorites and even tried out some new recipes this year (bad idea, I made the WORST stuffing on the planet, and 2 plates of fudge that stayed a goopy mess). It was a wonderful day spent eating with family, my two favorite things in life.

7.      Devin’s birthday celebration in Chicago

For Devin’s 30^th birthday I planned an awesome day for us in Chicago. I told him we were going to pick up my parents from the airport, but they actually didn’t arrive until 11:00 pm. When we were almost at the airport I told him to grab the flight information from my purse but it was an envelope with directions to his first surprise! We ate lunch at The Publican which he wanted to try for a very long time, then we ate doughnuts, visited the art institute, got drinks from Starbucks and ate cookies in Millennium Park, got some cocktails at a champagne bar, ate dinner at Devin’s favorite restaurant – Wildfire, saw Blue Man Group, and found dessert cocktails that blew Devin’s mind. Boom! A wonderful day full of adventure for my dear 30 year old husband.

8.      My bachelorette party

What an awesome day this was! I got to spend so much time with so many people I adore. They even indulged me and started the day at the Museum of Science and Industry. We played games, and I got a sash and a crown, and we went to some pretty awesome bars in one of my favorite neighborhoods in Chicago. Definitely a day filled to the brim with laughs and love.

9.      Our wedding shower

This was another fabulous day we got to spend with family and friends! My family put so much work into getting it all together and it was a wonderful party. The food was to die for. Man, I had SO many helpings of everything. We got to spend quality time talking with people we hadn’t seen in too long and we ended the day by going to buy my new engagement ring (which replaced the JC Penny one Devin proposed with, which I also loved because it was what we could afford at the time and he picked it out all by himself).

10.   Disneyland

I loved our whole honeymoon but if I had to pick a favorite day it was our day at Disneyland. As Devin told me on that day “We really should have done this last because everything after this will just be downhill for you.” We honestly had so many spectacular adventures while on the West Coast but Disneyland topped the list (even if their castle isn’t as big as Cinderella’s).

11.   Of course our wedding day

I told you it would make the list. One of the things I loved most about our wedding day was how many people put all their hands on deck with me as the crazy captain. People were hot gluing, carrying boxes, packing boxes, unpacking boxes, cooking, cleaning, running errands, double checking lists, making phone calls, buying last minute items, and all the while doing it with a smile. If you want to know who really loves you, plan a wedding. I hope you, like I, will be as overwhelmed with how many people will mean it when they say they want to help make your day as special as possible.

At one point in the planning my mom said something about how she knew it wasn’t the wedding I had always dreamed of, but she hoped it would still be a wonderful day for us. She was right, it wasn’t the wedding I dreamed of because I am an extravagant and over the top fool. I mean I dreamed of getting married at the Chicago Theater or the Museum of Science and Industry – did I think I was going to marry a Kardashian? Our wedding was better than anything I had ever dreamed of because I used to dream about my wedding before I had a Devin. So those dreams were vacant, and lacked the details that grew out of my love for this wonderful man I agreed to call my husband. No, our wedding wasn’t a dream; it was everything I never knew I wanted (a phrase I usually tell to Devin to describe how I feel about our relationship). It was small which meant we got to spend more time with each guest, it was done on a budget which left us more money for a baller honeymoon, and it had homemade bits of Devin and I bursting through at every corner.

Life has been good to us this year. It’s been great to us actually, and when we look back at 2014 we will certainly remember that this is the year we officially joined our lives together as one unit but there will be so many other things to remember. We have been blessed. Our wedding brought us the opportunity to make new memories with people we love and between planning, meetings with vendors, conversations about centerpieces and dance practice our wedding was ever present on our minds throughout the year. But the best day? How can I pick just one?