Our Journey Through Pregnancy: Sponsored by Disney

When I found out I was pregnant.

Followed by

Ending with

When I told Devin we were expecting a little nugget.

The first time we saw the baby on the ultrasound.

When I learned that after the baby came out I would still need to birth the placenta.

My reaction to every commercial that played during the Super Bowl, and the opening of Star Trek (he saves his wife and baby gosh darn it!), and a few Full House episodes. 

When Devin tells me I'm not going to be the baby anymore.

The start of my third trimester.

When Devin says I don't need to go shopping because the baby already has enough clothes. 

When I fall down the pinterest rabbit hole of reading about breastfeeding dos and don'ts (which only get more contradictory the more you read).

Watching the video of child birth during our Mindful birthing class. 

When I daydream about Devin becoming the amazing father I know he's bound to be.

Anytime we go to a restaurant and Devin is distracted for a second.

When my chiropractor told me her baby was born 10 lbs 14 oz.

When Devin offers to go buy me the cookies I am craving at 3 in the morning.

When the midwife asked if anyone has commented on how small my baby bump is.

When I wake up on Sunday mornings and remember that the number of weekends we have left to sleep in is now countable on one hand.

After I have a hormonal breakdown directed at Devin.

Those moments when I realize how much our lives are going to change and how different our relationship will look after baby arrives.

Where I hope the next 50 years leads us.

We Used to Be Friends: A scale betrayal

When one of my good friends and co-workers told me she was pregnant this past Fall my very first response was "Ooo you're going to get so big!" 

WTF?! What kind of response is that? This part of pregnancy is, I'm pretty sure, one component that women dread the most. Now that I am on the other end of this pregnancy business I am even more mortified by my previous slip of the tongue.

Mostly because I am both eagerly awaiting a baby belly that will actually look like there's a baby in there, and miserably watching the scale tick higher. They say pregnant women should gain between 25-35 pounds but since I started a bit overweight I was told to shoot for between 15-25 pounds. They also remind you that the last 12 weeks you can expect to gain a pound a week.

(Current baby bump. Admittedly I am trying my best to create a better bump photo with posture and positioning, in person it looks even more like I just came from the China buffet.)

So doing the math that means over the first 28 weeks I could really only gain about 13 pounds. I am just a bit over that 13 pound mark and am still 4 weeks away from the 28 week mark. As much as I can rationally tell myself that I am gaining weight because there is literally another human growing inside of me, that doesn't help ease the disappointment when I step on the scale.

I think part of the trouble comes from the fact that after losing 125 pounds with diet and exercise, each pound I see appear on my frame feels more like I have done something wrong than a quantitative measurement of the miracle of reproduction. And this ingrained set of emotions isn't something that is easily transformable over night, so I am trying deliberately to give myself permission to enjoy this pregnancy. Easier said than done. Also hormones are ruthless. 

I am trying to look at each pound and envision our sweet baby girl getting a bit bigger, a bit more squishy and chubby, and my uterus expanding more than the day before to give her room to explore. I am trying to remind myself that the weight came off once before, and there will be time for it to come off again (and this time the goals will be even smaller and more attainable). Even if it takes longer than I want...a lot longer, I have the tools to make the transformations I want to see. I also remind myself that one of the major motivating reasons for losing weight in the first place was someday having a low risk healthy pregnancy. So many early morning workouts were sponsored by my running monologue reminding me that my future children deserved a healthy mommy who could chase after them and climb trees with them and make healthy snacks that would nourish their little bodies. 

But more than anything I tell myself that this little girl doesn't care what the scale says when I wake up in the morning. She needs a safe place to grow and develop and get ready to enter this crazy world we live in, and right now that is exactly what I am giving her. And I rest assured that no matter what size pants I am in one, two, or 6 months after she is born, the only thing that she will care about is having me there. Being together. 

And when all that falls short I have the greatest husband in the world giving me pep talks to get me through the day. Recently when I told Devin not to bring home dessert I was craving because I was gaining weight and he reminded me gently. "That's ok. You are pregnant, and while society thinks it's normal for celebrities to be a size 10 right after they give birth (bless his heart for thinking size 10 is an acceptable Hollywood size) I don't. I always think you're beautiful - and you should have a treat." Yeah. I got one of the good ones. 

So for the next 16 weeks I am going to try and enjoy this pregnancy, because I don't know if or when I'll be lucky enough to experience this again. I am going to forgive myself for my weakness towards Devin's french fries, and I am going to continue abiding by my "At least one ice cream cone a week" rule. I pull up my maternity pants with pride, and enjoy all the little kicks and punches that are sometimes more uncomfortable than adorable. And at night when I wake up with back pain, I'll enjoy the quiet of the night knowing that in not so many months I'll have a companion during those 4:00 am wake up calls. 

And if any of you other soon-to-be Mommy's are experiencing guilt, disappointment, or fear over your changing body watch the video below and prepare to cry your eyes out. Sometimes change isn't just a good thing - it's the best thing. 

Meet Our Fetus....aka the most expensive honeymoon souvenir of all time

Oh my goodness, I can’t believe our little secret is finally out in the open! If you know me, you are aware that I am the worst secret keeper of all time so the fact that I have been keeping this secret for 10 weeks now is insanity. I know I have been light on blog content lately but to be honest the most pressing thing on my mind is this growing little person that we can’t wait to meet, thus I have been patiently waiting to tell the world and let you in on all the details. In my limited experience so far, I have found the first thing that happens when you tell someone you are growing a human is a string of totally understandable and reasonable questions. So here are some answers to the top 10 questions we have been asked. (Also I've peppered pictures of our little nugget throughout this post because we are already over the moon with them. They have a head! And arms! AND FINGERS! All great news in our book.)

Are you excited?

So Excited! And so terrified. And somewhere in-between thinking the next 6 months can’t pass fast enough and hoping these 6 months drag on forever so we have enough time to prepare for the little life we are about to be in charge of.

When are you due?

September 14. Though I am perpetually late, so if the baby takes after me we shouldn’t see it until October. Devin is religiously on time though, so really all of September is up for grabs.

(Here is baby just chilling in the womb. The ultrasound tech needed to take a specific measurement so she kept shaking my tummy to get baby to turn over so I got to see him/her doing all kinds of flips and turns. Impressive for someone the size of a peach.)

Are you going to find out if it is a girl or a boy?

100% for sure because even though I like surprises we need some time to narrow down names and figure out what section of the consignment store to start shopping from. You can only find so many gender neutral onsies on sale for 99 cents, and I don’t think a little girl wants to wear a shirt that says “Mommy’s little guy”.

Are you going to share the name before they are born?

We plan to keep this a secret until they actually show up because we have to have something to surprise y’all with.

Was this baby a surprise?

Aren’t all babies kind of a surprise? No matter how much you plan you never know how long you will be in “trying” phase. We did in fact plan for this baby and had known for about a year we would start trying in December (post wedding but not pre-honeymoon because I wanted to have ALL the drinks on our West Coast adventure) but we had no idea  baby would be so eager to join us! I suppose our little nugget just couldn’t wait to join our family.

(See I told you it has a head and a little nose. As Devin said "Dang, that's a good looking baby.")

How did you find out?

I had read so many things where women said they “just knew”, so when I had inkling I wasn’t sure if I was being crazy or if there was in fact some serious cell division occurring in my uterus. I googled pregnancy symptoms over and over again wondering if it was possible for them to show up only 3 weeks in (it is) and kept checking my boobs to see if they were more sore than normal, less sore, the same amount of sore…should boobs ever be sore? So because I am impatient, I took a string of tests at points when there wasn’t even a chance I could get a positive because it was WAY too soon. Then the day after New Year’s when Devin left for work I took a test thinking there was a chance it could be positive but assuming it was still probably too soon (I was still 3 days away from my monthly nemesis arriving) and then there it was! A faint but distinct pink line. So I cried and stared at it, and took a picture so I could stare at it during the day and remind myself this was really happening. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a false positive before I let Devin know, so during lunchtime I went to CVS and bought two more tests and took one in the store bathroom. Another positive. I then decided to plan a fun way to let the Daddy-to-be know we were in business. However, at around 2:30 he called me to say he was on his way home. Since he normally wouldn’t have been home till 6:00 I found this odd, and he quickly told me he had been laid off. Yeepers. I revised my plan and decided I would start with cupcakes. Once we got home I handed him a bag and said “Here I got you something since you had such a bad day.” He took out the cupcakes much to his delight and then noticed there was another box in the bag. When he opened it there was a note on the lid of the box that said This is good for one pizza of your choosing, but save some for Cate…she’s eating for 2! And hidden beneath a napkin in the box were the two positive pregnancy tests I had taken that day. Needless to say he was pretty excited and then we ordered a pizza because how else do you celebrate such exciting news?

Are you planning to have a natural birth?

We are planning to avoid all medical interventions and have hired a doula to help us achieve that goal, but we are also realistic in our expectations and understand that a birth plan is just a plan and we may need to deviate from our exact expectations on game day.

(Here is a tiny arm that just kills me with how cute it is. Ahh I can't wait to cover that chubby little arms with kisses.)

Have you been terribly sick?

No vomit here! I did have some pretty intense nausea and tummy trouble but no tossing of cookies and now that I’m sliding into the second trimester things are going wonderfully. Baby and I are certainly off to a great start.

Have you already started buying adorable baby clothes?

I finally broke down this weekend, and purchased a few onesies at a local thrift shop because they were SO cheap and I figure if we pick up things little by little we won’t have to stress about it too much later. Also I say “broke down” not because it is something I don’t want to do but because once I open Pandora’s box of baby clothes I’m afraid there is no going back, if I’m not careful I will be drowning in sweet tiny sweat pants, adorable hats for tiny noggins, and itty bitty Toms for a human who doesn’t even walk.

More than clothes though, we have started buying books a plenty because I want baby’s library to be stacked! One of the things I am most looking forward to is story time with baby, so hopefully they find my selections acceptable and enjoyable.

How did you tell your parents?

We definitely had the most fun telling them – partly because it is their first time becoming grandparents and they were also the very first people we got to tell. Since my dad’s birthday and parents’ anniversary was right around the corner we told them we got them some presents. My mom’s was a little onesie that said “Grandma keeps me looking cute” and it had a note that said “I hear you love shopping! I can’t wait to see what you pick out for me to wear when I arrive in September.” My dad’s was a book called I already know I love you and it had a note that said “I hear you love reading. Would you read this to me when I arrive in September?” My mom figured it out first because she is inspector gadget but my Dad wasn’t far behind and then there were hugs and tears (from everyone involved) and SO MUCH excitement followed by a delicious dinner with no alcohol for Cate. 

(Baby gave me a little high 5 with their tiny hand. Back at you baby.)