Milk Donation - A Recipients Perspective

Ok so if you have been following our baby journey at all you may be aware that Rosie is primarily fed using donated breast milk that we get from other mothers in town (not a milk bank - they are seriously outrageously expensive). Now this is obviously a controversial topic for a variety of reasons but this recent opinion piece (http://www.forbes.com/sites/kavinsenapathy/2016/05/17/parents-put-that-strangers-breast-milk-down-and-pick-up-a-bottle-of-formula/#31c2fc71279e) just left me with such a bad taste in my mouth I wanted to write a response from a mother who is actually in the trenches milk sharing with the "strangers".

My biggest problems with the article are 1. The lack of perspective and 2. Fear Mongering.

I appreciate the perspective from health care providers represented in this piece but this is extremely one sided, and the piece seriously lacks perspectives from mothers actually involved in milk sharing. First and foremost, I am a scientist. So I think like a scientist and make decisions rooted in fact and data. So that being said I am not one of these people who believes formula will kill all the babies and is essentially poison. It is an amazing option that has kept tons and tons of babies healthy and happy. We gave Rosie formula on numerous occasions and were totally fine with it. We did not choose donated breast milk because we thought formula would harm Rosie in anyway. We chose it because it works for our family.

The truth is I can honestly say I never anticipated how emotionally charged the topic of feeding a baby is. Everyone constantly feels like they are being judged. Breastfed mothers feel like they are being judged for breastfeeding too long, for putting breastfeeding above all else when scheduling their daily routine, for feeding their babies in public. Formula moms feel like they are being judged for taking the "easy"way out, for feeding their baby "poison", and for foregoing the perceived unique bonding experience that can only come from having baby at breast. So yeah. This one simple thing, keeping your babe nourished and plump and growing is causing internal turmoil for so many amazing mamas out there. So of course I wasn't surprised at this article. Although it starts as an attempt to say "Hey formula is great you don't need to be guilted into taking milk from a stranger", it unfortunately ends with yet another attack on the way moms feed their babies - the dangers of donated milk.

And I'm over here like who gives a crap?? Seriously. Who cares what is in Rosie's bottle besides her father and I? Is it formula? Is it milk I pumped? Is it milk another mom pumped? WHO THE F CARES? I don't care if you hire a wet nurse. I don't care if you breastfeed for 4 years. I don't care if you use all your savings to buy milk at the milk bank. Because it's not my baby, and as long as the bottle isn't filled with jack and coke, I could give two hoots how you are choosing to feed your baby. Obviously everyone is trying to do their best, so let's just cool it. And parenting is freaking hard so the last thing anyone needs is a guilt trip.

So why did we choose to use donated milk? Well our intention was never to use exclusively donated milk. We were just going to supplement with some donated milk, use some formula, and I would keep pumping as much as I could - however small that amount may be. However we met one donor who consistently produced an over abundance of milk and she kept us going for quite some time. We completely trust her. We've met her whole family, I've been to her house a dozen times, we exchange stories about our kids, she even gave me the garage code to her house so I could pick up milk when she couldn't be there to meet. So stranger doesn't quite feel like the right term.

However with all the traveling I was doing in the spring I started producing less and felt like my pumping time was doing more harm than good. For instance in the mornings I would pump for 20 - 30 minutes, and this pumping session was critical because that milk got sent to daycare along with all the milk I pumped from the previous day.  However often during that time Rosie would cry and need attention but being attached to a pump and unable to move, all I could do was say sorry sweetie, I'll be done soon. And it killed me not to be able to go pick her up. Then at night I would need to pump as soon as I got home, but with daycare Rosie was going to bed not long after I got home which meant I was spending 30 minutes of our 1 hour together connected to a pump and unable to interact with her in the way I wanted. And all this pumping was still only producing half of what Rosie needed everyday. So I decided to stop pumping and I instantly felt like it was the best decision for us.

So I put put out the request for more milk just to see what would happen and we ended up meeting some more amazing women. With most of our donors we meet at their home, I meet their husbands and children, we talk about their lifestyle, they ask if Rosie is sensitive to any foods or medications. It's very open and honest and if I ever feel uncomfortable we don't take the milk. If anyone even mentions money as reimbursement we don't take the milk. If the milk ever smells off we dump it (frozen breastmilk has a very distinct scent). Most times the women we meet are as happy as we are about the situation. They tell me that otherwise they just would have dumped the milk down the sink. On more than one occasion a donor has cried because she was so happy to help another baby, to be honest on more than one occasion my eyes have also welled with tears over these "strangers'" generosity.

So that's how we ended up milk sharing. Anytime we think we may need to start using formula another extremely generous mother will offer to help feed our baby. It saves us a ton of money, it allows us to meet some really miraculous women, and while I don't think formula will harm your baby I do believe there are some nice benefits to breastmilk that I am glad Rosie is being exposed to.

(On a side note: Although Rosie tolerates formula fine there are plenty of babies who do not and breast milk may be their only option. The article also mentions nothing about these circumstances.)

So on to my second major problem with this article. ALL the fear mongering which is all too popular in parenting circles. You know they have been saying for a while now that swaddling your baby can help reduce SIDS and then last week all these headlines were saying "New studies find swaddling can increase risk of SIDS!" Yeah because that's not confusing or terrifying in the slightest.

So here's the thing. No one wants to put their baby at risk. So if I truly believed there was a large risk associated with donated milk of course I wouldn't do it. I'm not a monster! Or an idiot. We aren't over here like "I'd rather have Rosie get hepatitis from donor milk than have her drink formula." I just really don't think the odds of that are very high and here's why.

When you are pregnant your health is monitored very closely. There are lots of tests and assessments and blood work and we are lucky that we live in an area with low poverty levels, high education rates, and fairly easy access to medical care. So the odds that one of our donors received no health screenings while pregnant and is just carrying a boat load of diseases with no symptoms seems pretty slim. Additionally this is the milk they are giving their babies, who I meet, and I like to believe all moms are on the same page of not wanting their kid to contract a horrible illness. Is there a chance that this could occur? Of course. But I honestly feel like the chances of that are about as slim as the formula someone is buying being recalled. Plus the mom's in these groups talk. Whenever a shady person appears they are put on blast. They are a protective group and if there was a chance a baby had gotten sick from some donor milk there would be reports. I have never read such a report in any sort of news source.

Next is it possible someone has just straight up tampered with the milk? Sure. But considering I pay them in breast milk storage bags that seems like a really weird route to go to try and poison a kid. So if I buy into the fear that someone has poisoned the milk, I also have to be afraid that someone may poison the brownies they bring to Rosie's class for a birthday party. I have to worry that dinner at a friend's may be laced with antifreeze. And I certainly can't let her buy anything at the farmer's market. Who knows what's lurking in that scone??

So the point is, the people who are donating milk are by and large normal everyday people. Are there risks involved? Yes. But I refuse to let myself get caught up in this fear culture because to be honest I am already scared of a ton of crap (the other day I legitimately was concerned I had a brain tumor after one day of a headache) and I don't want Rosie to look around her world and think everything and everyone is out to get her.  It's just not the case. I don't want to have to be afraid to let her spend the night at a friend's house, sleepovers are some of my favorite memories as a kid. I don't want to assume every piece of Halloween candy is a ploy to kill our little girl. I don't want to think every time she rides her bike or plays in the yard she may never come back.

I know the world has bad people in it, and we will take precautions to keep Rosie safe but for now I am not going to play the fear game. And that starts with assuming opinion pieces like this one are just that. Opinion.

**If you are interested here is an interesting podcast on the topic that does a good job of presenting a pretty unbiased portrayal of milk donating: https://gimletmedia.com/episode/57-milk-wanted/**

Those Summer Days - May 14

This weekend was the first great weekend of the Summer for the Cosme Family. Sure it's still pretty chilly out, but the college kids have gone home for the Summer which means Iowa City has transformed into the magical family friendly wonderland it becomes from mid-May to August. No drunken stumbly messes peppering the sidewalk on the way to the farmer's market, no beer runs clogging up the checkout aisles at HyVee, and best of all SO MUCH parking downtown!!

Saturday we hosted a game night and before people came over we decided we should really deep clean the house because it has been a while. However, when I woke up I looked around and thought "I want to move ALL the furniture somewhere new." So I told Devin and after he shot down all my ideas for a new layout he promised he would move everything himself after he got back from the store. So I patiently waited for him to head out and then went into beast mode so I wouldn't have to compromise about where the furniture went later on (yeah man...I play dirty). Also I felt SO accomplished when it was done because I know Devin didn't think I had the strength to do it, which was obvious when he arrived home because he just looked around and said "What happened? Did you hulk out?!"

Yes. I did.

The best part of the new layout is Rosalind has her very own corner in the living room which she totally digs!

So when you have a daughter that you have lovingly nicknamed Rosie, you are kind of obligated to have at least a few Rosie the Riveter pieces in your home. Here Rosie is looking over Rosie's corner and reminding her "We Can Do It".  

She finds the weirdest things interesting. 

And right now she is in this great stage where she is curious about everything but still not that coordinated so she can't really cause too much chaos. I give this stage another month before interest in the toilet paper turns into an entire roll of toilet paper uncoiled in the corner of the living room.

Oh and Rosie's school pictures came. That smirk is killing me!

By the way this is what Devin found when he came back from shopping and saw the entire living room was rearranged. Totally strategic on my part. You can't be angry at anyone in this image! Also whenever Rosie falls asleep in my lap for a nap it is pretty much the highlight of my day. She's just so squishy!

I am so obsessed with watching this little girl learn about the world around her. I don't even know what I am going to do when she really starts to accomplish things. Right now I am like "You picked up a ball from the slot?! You know what a ball is?? You know how to use your hands?! MY DAUGHTER IS A GENIUS!!!" Poor second kid, we will probably be so jaded by then.  "Oh you're 3 and doing algebra? That's nice..."

Saturday evening was spent with great friends chatting, and playing games and eating some phenomenal snacks. I think that's one of the best things about being an adult actually. Now whenever there is a potluck, people come prepared! There was a fancy as all heck cheese plate, some delicious spinach bites, brownies, a vegetable tray, crackers and meat, watermelon skewers with mozzarella and mint, pizza quinoa bites, banana split bites, and SO MANY SAUSAGES (from Devin's sausage guy up in Cedar Rapids. My sister lives in California and they have a pool guy. We live in Iowa so we have a sausage guy...)

Then Sunday was the best kind of Sunday. The morning was so incredibly lazy. Rosie woke up and hung out in bed with us for a while, then she got sleepy so we put her back in her crib for a nap, and we continued to lay in bed and relax. Then when we finally got the motivation to get going it was noon and we had consumed no food yet so we decided to hit up and Indian buffet in town that we have yet to visit.

Rosie has to eat when other people are eating or she gets pissed off, so I brought some yogurt and was able to capture her little yogurt shiver on camera. I hope to get a better video of it another day because it is just so damn cute.

She also LOVED the Indian food. 

Then we hit the local thrift store because we have been looking for a kitchen table and chairs FOREVER and still have had no luck. Gah. We did see some cool stuff at the thrift store though (which is appropriately named Stuff).

Then I convinced Devin to take me for ice cream (and by convinced him I mean I suggested ice cream and he sped off towards the ice cream shop without a second thought). I got a cookie dough yogurt concoction and Devin got espresso oreo. It was our first time at this particular ice cream shop, which is just a town away, and it was delicious!! I immediately texted my mom and informed her that we needed to go there the next time her and my dad are in town. Also I feel obligated to go back because there are so many flavors, it's really not fair that I had to pick just one. 

I am so excited for all the adventures the next few months are bound to bring, and can't wait for Rosie to experience her first Summer! Swimming pools, picnics, zoos, floppy sun hats, outdoor concerts, baseball games. It's all on the bucket list. Now if the weather would just cooperate we'll be in business. 

The Cosme Family Does DC

I originally started this blog to document different trips, and food adventures, and life events and golly has there been a ton of that since I last updated. Even though we have added a tiny person to our life, that hasn't slowed down our travels. So far Rosie has been on two plane trips and has already been coast to coast (California to DC!), luckily she is an absolute doll on flights because staying put just isn't in my DNA. 

A couple weeks ago I went to DC for my last meeting as part of the American Psychological Association Science Student Council, and after the meeting ended of Friday the family flew out to meet me on Saturday! Here is a photo recap of our fabulous trip.

I told Rosalind there probably wouldn't be any swimming in DC but she wanted to try on her swimsuit anyways. If I looked this cute in a swimsuit I would live at the beach.

After the family came to pick me up from my hotel we got some fabulous Korean lunch at a restaurant called Mandu, which I had been to before and was eager to return to. They definitely did not disappoint and if you get a chance to go get the dolsot bibim bap. A rice dish served in a stone bowl that keeps the dish ridiculously hot and makes the rice at the bottom crispy in the best way imaginable. Then after lunch we made our way to our hotel to check in and put on our PJs (...ok just Rosie slipped into PJs even though the rest of us wanted to) and then we hit the National Mall.

At the WWII Memorial we made sure to stop at all our favorite states.

I have always loved that at this particular memorial Iowa and California are next to one another since my sister is currently living across the country in California and I am smack dab in the middle in Iowa. 

On Sunday we went to Mount Vernon, which only Devin had ever been to, so we were pretty excited to check out Washington's digs. They were totally impressive, it was definitely worth the trip out there. We spent a few hours and there was still a ton I wanted to see and do. Highly recommend it!

The views from the house were unbelievably beautiful, after the tour we spent quite a bit of time just relaxing on the grass and enjoying the sunshine. I am going to assume Washington spent many days doing the exact same thing.

Rosie is slowly starting to figure out what grass is all about. Right now she is still a little unsure what she thinks. I am sure by the end of the Summer she will be rolling around in it like a pro.

Her chubby fist and tiny toes could not be anymore perfect.

We look so happy! Right before this picture was taken though we were definitely screaming at each other about something. Ok. I was yelling at Devin about something. I think probably about the fact that he never wants to take a good picture with me. Apparently the yelling worked though because I love this picture of us! 

Grandma and Rosie just reading a book and hanging out on an absolutely gorgeous day.

The whole family with Washington's Estate in the background. I couldn't read enough information off the plaques while we were there! So much so that I made us loop back again so I could look at some plaques I had missed. 

This picture is both adorable and creepy at the same time. That one single eye kind of makes me feel like she a total creep peering through a keyhole waiting for her next victim. But I assure you she quickly feel asleep and spent the last 45 minutes at Mount Vernon snoozing away in her little Rosie Cave.

Our little family.

My mom and dad looking cute as can be (and yes my dad is lugging around Rosalind's diaper bag, he doesn't just wear a backpack around town. He is an all-start grandpa for sure!)

After Mount Vernon we planned to head to the Air and Space Museum out in Dulles. But on the way we saw a stand with a giant sign reading "Frozen Custard", and if you are on vacation you don't just keep driving so we pulled a U-turn and got ourselves some tasty custard. And even Rosalind got a few tiny bites, she reacted pretty much the same way that she reacts to every other food. Unimpressed and simultaneously desperate for more.

We didn't get to the museum until there were only about 90 minutes till close because that's when parking is free and we wanted to save the $15 (obviously) so we tried to hit the best stuff and show our little monkey some of the coolest planes.

I don't even remember what this plane was called but I thought it looked totally badass.

Rosalind totally agreed.

My favorite thing in the whole museum though is definitely the space ship!

SO FREAKING COOL!!!

That grandpa sure is a laugh a minute!

Rosie loved looking at all the astronaut gear in the cases and hearing my running commentary on all the interesting gadgets they had on display.

A tiny plane obviously needs to be flown by a tiny baby.

This baby space suit is so adorable that it has me seriously considering a space themed birthday party for Rosalind's 1st Birthday. She would look so cute opening presents in an orange NASA jumpsuit!!

After a very eventful day we ate dinner at the hotel (which was an awesome two bedroom little apartment at Hyatt House - two rooms each with a king bed,  a spacious living room, and a FULL kitchen. Definitely check it out if you are traveling with multiple people). Devin and I brought back food from a local joint called Tortaco, and it turned out to be fantastically delicious. Mexican done right - ie tacos with meat, onion, and cilantro. Perfection. 

On our last full day we hit the National Zoo and of course before anything else we had to see the pandas!!

Such an awesome animal. I could have stood there and watched them for hours.

Then one of the pandas got loose....but look how cute it was, how could you be scared with a face like that?

Then the panda got a little rowdy though. PANDA ATTACK!!

My mom is cracking up because as my dad was taking our picture a business man came rushing through the area on his cell phone and totally ran into him but kept going without even an "Excuse me" or "Sorry about that." Which is hilarious when it's not you. 

Seriously these two are too stinking cute!

This stuffed panda was serious love at first site. She just kept giving him tons of kisses and hugs - so sweet.

Check out this fabulous waterfall!

Had to stop for a bottle break, it's hard working being wheeled around all day and told to look at a crap tons of animals you've never even heard of before.

I swear this kid is already the most photogenic one in the family.

On our very last day we decided to visit Arlington National Cemetery before catching our plane back to Chicago.

Even though Rosalind can't even stand by herself yet we still explained why we were looking at the graves of these people, and why they were important to our country. And of course we reminded her to always try and see where she can provide a helping hand in the world inspired by the words of JFK.

Since she wasn't invited to watch the changing of the guard I think Rosie was pretty excited when we came back to see her!

Things I've learned by traveling with an infant on a plane. If they find something that keeps them happy and distracted - roll with it. Even if it means you yourself aren't able to see.

Mom's glasses are the best toy in the whole world!

Sometimes selfies are also a great and easy distraction.

For so many reasons this trip was exactly what we needed and we had an absolute blast! DC has always been one of my favorite places to visit because of the history, the free museums, the awesome food, and all the wonderful monuments. It is a city where you can have a great night out, and also learn a ton during the day for very little money - which are two things I love to do when I travel. I absolutely can't wait to bring our little monkey back once she is a bit bigger can soak in her surroundings a bit more. I know there are so many articles written about traveling with a baby, and how challenging it is and whether or not it is even worth it and I have to say for our family, even though it is a little more work (they do require a lot of gear), it is 100% worth it. Just going to a new place and enjoying something you did prebaby can be so incredibly renewing. So got a new tiny traveler added to the mix? If you want to travel - go ahead! There is definitely no magic to it, and you will be so happy you did.