I love a good countdown. When some type of event or notable occurrence is in the calendar I usually start a countdown months in advance. My excitement just can't be contained, from vacations to graduations, moving dates, trips home, and birthdays, I just love knowing how much time needs to elapse before I arrive at the date on the calendar that is brightly emblazoned with an event!
For the past few years I have had a constant countdown in my head. Before Devin even proposed, I remember walking to work each morning doing the math about when we might get married, how long after that we might get pregnant, and when a little Cosme nugget of joy would arrive. I played every scenario over and over again in my head. If we started trying in the Spring when would a baby arrive? Would the timing of that work out with the various academic hurdles I wanted to achieve? Would it be better to wait a few months? A year? Each morning as I walked to work I couldn't stop this obsessive counting of time from playing over and over again in my head.
Then Devin proposed and the wedding countdown began. First in long months that seemed like they would never pass and then mere weeks as the long awaited date drew near. The Summer before our wedding I made an appointment to have my IUD removed and I started counting down to the appointment. Once the appointment came and went, I started counting down to when we would actually start trying. After the wedding of course (I needed to fit into my dress) and not before the honeymoon (I wanted to booze freely on our California adventure). I continued counting down to our wedding date, spent the 6 weeks following it counting down to our honeymoon, and then not more than 2 weeks after we returned from our West Coast adventure I started counting down the weeks until our little baby bundle would be here.
I have been anticipating, counting down, and eagerly awaiting the flip of the calendar from month to month for years now. The anticipation of starting the life I had always craved almost too much to bear at times. And now, instead of walking to work and trying to calculate when our baby might arrive I am stunned by the simple fact that the wait is almost over. 8 more weeks. That is all. From numbers that seemed impossible to comprehend (we found out a baby was on the way less that 4 weeks into the pregnancy) we are down to a number I can count on both my hands.
One thing I have learned from all these countdowns is that the passage of time is inevitable, no matter how far away something seems - it will arrive and before you know it you will find yourself on the other side wondering how your countdown turned into a count up. Devin and I have almost been married 9 months and I don't know where the time went. I didn't see it passing, but somewhere between all our adventures and quiet nights at home, time was slowly ticking by. Minutes turning into days and weeks without asking our permission and without making a noise. And what once was a countdown to our marriage, has now become an anniversary of our love.
So as I look at the calendar and see that 8 short weeks from now the date reads "Baby Due!" I am oddly at peace. The wait is almost over. Our little family that we talked about starting just weeks after we first met is about to start taking shape. And as much as I can't wait to look down at our little girl's beautiful face, I am trying to remember the outcome of every countdown that has come before this - how quickly things change and how the moment seems to pass almost instantly. I am trying to live in these moments where it is just Devin and I. Where we can travel without a baby in the backseat, and go to Tuesday night movies on a whim. We stay in bed on Sundays a little longer, we make random trips to get ice cream a little more often, and we tell each other how much we love one another with a little more conviction because we know in 8 weeks the countdown will run out - but the adventure will just be beginning and the life we have now will be gone.
8 weeks till we hold our baby girl. 2 months. A mere 56 days. I won't be able to stop myself from counting down, but I know that once she gets here I will try my best to enjoy the moment. To stop myself from looking too far forward, because whatever I have on the calendar for the future can wait. Introducing her to her extended family, watching her fall asleep in my arms, and covering her little fingers and toes with kisses are moments I don't want to pass too fast. I don't want her first birthday to roll around and feel like I spent the first 12 months of her life checking the clock and counting down to what comes next. I know she will grow faster than I can ever expect and if we don't at least try to savor the little moments they will be gone without return.
Today I am thankful that for the next 8 weeks she is right here with me, safely inside me, and I get to feel her sweet and at times shockingly intense baby kicks for another 56 days.
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