We Used to Be Friends: A scale betrayal

When one of my good friends and co-workers told me she was pregnant this past Fall my very first response was "Ooo you're going to get so big!" 

WTF?! What kind of response is that? This part of pregnancy is, I'm pretty sure, one component that women dread the most. Now that I am on the other end of this pregnancy business I am even more mortified by my previous slip of the tongue.

Mostly because I am both eagerly awaiting a baby belly that will actually look like there's a baby in there, and miserably watching the scale tick higher. They say pregnant women should gain between 25-35 pounds but since I started a bit overweight I was told to shoot for between 15-25 pounds. They also remind you that the last 12 weeks you can expect to gain a pound a week.

(Current baby bump. Admittedly I am trying my best to create a better bump photo with posture and positioning, in person it looks even more like I just came from the China buffet.)

So doing the math that means over the first 28 weeks I could really only gain about 13 pounds. I am just a bit over that 13 pound mark and am still 4 weeks away from the 28 week mark. As much as I can rationally tell myself that I am gaining weight because there is literally another human growing inside of me, that doesn't help ease the disappointment when I step on the scale.

I think part of the trouble comes from the fact that after losing 125 pounds with diet and exercise, each pound I see appear on my frame feels more like I have done something wrong than a quantitative measurement of the miracle of reproduction. And this ingrained set of emotions isn't something that is easily transformable over night, so I am trying deliberately to give myself permission to enjoy this pregnancy. Easier said than done. Also hormones are ruthless. 

I am trying to look at each pound and envision our sweet baby girl getting a bit bigger, a bit more squishy and chubby, and my uterus expanding more than the day before to give her room to explore. I am trying to remind myself that the weight came off once before, and there will be time for it to come off again (and this time the goals will be even smaller and more attainable). Even if it takes longer than I want...a lot longer, I have the tools to make the transformations I want to see. I also remind myself that one of the major motivating reasons for losing weight in the first place was someday having a low risk healthy pregnancy. So many early morning workouts were sponsored by my running monologue reminding me that my future children deserved a healthy mommy who could chase after them and climb trees with them and make healthy snacks that would nourish their little bodies. 

But more than anything I tell myself that this little girl doesn't care what the scale says when I wake up in the morning. She needs a safe place to grow and develop and get ready to enter this crazy world we live in, and right now that is exactly what I am giving her. And I rest assured that no matter what size pants I am in one, two, or 6 months after she is born, the only thing that she will care about is having me there. Being together. 

And when all that falls short I have the greatest husband in the world giving me pep talks to get me through the day. Recently when I told Devin not to bring home dessert I was craving because I was gaining weight and he reminded me gently. "That's ok. You are pregnant, and while society thinks it's normal for celebrities to be a size 10 right after they give birth (bless his heart for thinking size 10 is an acceptable Hollywood size) I don't. I always think you're beautiful - and you should have a treat." Yeah. I got one of the good ones. 

So for the next 16 weeks I am going to try and enjoy this pregnancy, because I don't know if or when I'll be lucky enough to experience this again. I am going to forgive myself for my weakness towards Devin's french fries, and I am going to continue abiding by my "At least one ice cream cone a week" rule. I pull up my maternity pants with pride, and enjoy all the little kicks and punches that are sometimes more uncomfortable than adorable. And at night when I wake up with back pain, I'll enjoy the quiet of the night knowing that in not so many months I'll have a companion during those 4:00 am wake up calls. 

And if any of you other soon-to-be Mommy's are experiencing guilt, disappointment, or fear over your changing body watch the video below and prepare to cry your eyes out. Sometimes change isn't just a good thing - it's the best thing. 

Mother's Day Weekend

This whole week has been pretty fantastic! On Monday we had a visitor from Rosalind Franklin University so our whole lab got to spend an hour with her chatting about science, and work life balance, and being a female in science. And even though these types of meetings can sometimes be a bit on the awkward side this one was wonderfully natural and very engaging!

Then Tuesday rolled around which was Cinco de Mayo, and during the day Devin asked if I wanted to do dinner and a movie and recreate our second date (which featured Mexican food and a movie). It was such a sweet gesture that I said "Of Course!" even though I had a 45 minute talk to give to the department the next day. Only then, during the day me and the lab ladies got to talking about how fun an after work happy hour sounded so before Devin came to get me for date night my fellow pregnant co-worker and I went to a local restaurant for happy hour. If you are curious as to what a pregnant happy hour entail it involves virgin bloody marys and food. Mostly the food because if you can't drink you have to splurge somewhere. So nachos and hot wings it was. And I know I shouldn't have indulged in such snackage before dinner but I couldn't help it! Did I mention NACHOS!? Then Devin picked me up and it was off to our Mexican dinner, only of course the place we wanted food from was packed (I know, on Cinco de Mayo...shocking) so instead we ate at Cheddar's because neither of us had ever been. After I ate about half my dinner we left for the movie: Avengers! Only, when we got to the theater Devin wanted ice cream...and I wasn't going to watch him eat ice cream. So of course after he twisted my arm and publicly berated me I conceded and ordered a cone of yummy chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. So the moral of the story is the baby and I are eating well (I promise the next day I had spinach and homemade soup for dinner).

We got home so late I felt like such a wild child! I mean it was like past 10:00. So the next day I got up early to prepare for my talk, which went really well. Lots of friendly and familiar faces came to watch it and I got some good questions afterwards which made me think people were actually paying attention and following along.

Then on Thursday my parents surprised me with these lovely flowers for Mother's Day! I have never had flowers delivered to work before so it was really special. The note instructed me to enjoy my last peaceful mother's day - which you'll find is exactly what I did.

Friday Night was our end of the semester lab BBQ and I made my mom's amazing potato salad. It was pretty close but not 100% the same, I have some ideas of where I can improve though. I am very particular about potato salad and really hers is the only one I'll eat. In preparing to become a mother I am trying to perfect as many of my mother's own recipes as I can - but we all know Devin does the real cooking in our house. It's ok, he said our kids will love his dinners and look forward to my desserts (which is where I am actually an asset in the kitchen). We are a real team like that.

Saturday started with a zumba class which I haven't done since very early on in this pregnancy, but it went so much better than I thought it would! Then the goal of the day was to find more maternity pants. We checked the outlets but even at the Motherhood Maternity outlet capris were $40. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I am not paying $40 for pants I will wear for a few months. So instead we hit the resale shops and I got one pair for $7 and another pair for $2.40. Now those are prices I can get on board with. When I cam back from trying on my maternity pants this is what I found:

Bless his heart. Too cute! He had picked out a really adorable pink frilly dress, but it was $9 (I know I am such a cheap ass, $4 is my limit for resale baby shopping) and also we don't necessarily have somewhere fancy to go with our baby - so I didn't want to end up wasting $9. Then we decided to get dinner where disaster struck because I ordered a chicken salad wrap that was disgusting. I didn't want to say anything because it was my own fault for ordering it, but Devin did not want to pay for a meal I was not going to eat so we sent it back and I got a grilled chicken salad instead. Simple and innocuous.

Sunday brought Mother's Day! Devin took me out to a rocking breakfast and then we spent the day in bed watching movies and I sent him out 3 more times to do my bidding. Once for groceries, once because I wanted a drink and olives for the frozen pizza we planned to make, and once to return the movies. Overall on the day I had 1600 steps...which should tell you what an awesome and relaxing day it was. Also I always tell people I have the absolute best parents but seriously it's fact. On top of the surprise flowers they sent me these sweet cards and a mother's day crib sheet (It is Mother's Day themed because there is a big mama elephant and a tiny baby elephant...get it?) 

So all in all it was an excellent week. Oh and Devin got me some surprise Ben and Jerry's for Mother's Day dessert which I can't say no to. Ice cream twice in one week!? Yes Please!

Springtime Adventures

The past 2 weekends have been absolutely JAM packed (which are my favorite kinds of weekends) so let me fill you in.

Last Saturday I started the day by attending a resale baby event with my mom. Unfortunately we were one week shy of knowing whether we should be shopping in the boys or girls section but this didn’t deter us too much. We got some phenomenal deals. The whale bathtub I’ve been wanting – for the baby not for myself-some sleepers, books, toys, puzzle, a bouncy seat, a bumblebee lamp, a cute monkey zip up hoodie, baby sweatpants, a boppy, burp cloths, and some other odds and ends. We had a great time and are really starting to make a dent in the baby preparation department. Then as soon as we got home Devin and I left for Chicago where we were planning to look at a Kia Sportage we saw online. We started looking for a new (read new to us – totally used) car back in November and figured that with baby coming it was time to start seriously shopping.

Long story short – we bought the car. Buying cars is the WORST process in the entire world so I’ll save you the laborious details and tell you that we got a decent deal. Actually we had decided on a price with the salesman but then I started having second thoughts so my dad said we should go talk it out. I told Devin I just wasn’t completely pleased with the deal so my dad said we should leave and come back. Luckily, once I said I wanted to leave the sales person brought out the manager who took off an extra $500 which brought it down to a price that I felt much more comfortable about. We are double lucky because not only did we get a pretty decent deal but my dad came and met us there to help us with the entire process. He was kind of like our car buying doula (if doulas also cosigned on car loans). He wasn’t the one to pull the trigger but his support made the entire process so much more manageable.

Then we returned to my parents’, changed quickly, and met up with my childhood friend Dominic for dinner at Flat Top. At Flat Top there was a brand new baby at the table next to us so of course Devin and I both had a hard time not staring. Since I’m still not really showing yet I always worry people will think we are giving them the stink eye for being at a restaurant with their baby, but in fact we are just being creepy because we don’t get to see babies often and it’s hard to imagine one will be living with us in a few short months.

The next morning we started bright and early and went downtown with my parents to explore the Adler Planetarium. I haven’t been in so long, I hardly remembered anything that they had there but we had a fabulous time! We got to see quite a few of the shows they offer and I learned quite a few things , which for a nerd like me is the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Then we ended the afternoon by stopping at my all time favorite ice cream/candy shop called Margie’s and dinner at a family favorite called Father and Son. Their garlic and chicken pizza is probably my favorite pizza in the entire world. That or Giordano’s sausage and mushroom. The crust on Father and Son pizza is simply unbeatable. So thin and crispy I just want to eat until I pop. Then came the long drive back to Iowa. And since we now had two cars to transport back to Iowa I actually had to drive. Ugh. I should remember to thank my husband for driving us back and forth between Iowa and Illinois every few weeks. He says he always reads my blog posts so I’ll just leave a thank you here.

Thank you!

Then came a week of anticipation as we counted down the days till our Friday morning ultrasound. You can find the results and details of our appointment below. Once we arrived in Illinois though we had another jam packed weekend awaiting us. Friday night we went to Chicago for the Death Cab for Cutie concert I debated going to for months. A few weeks ago I finally decided I had to go and bought us tickets on Craigslist. I didn’t want to park near the venue (The Chicago Theater) because prices in the loop are always egregious and given that it was Draft weekend I worried things would be absolutely packed. So instead we parked in Wicker Park where we went to Artermio’s bakery to get the best tres leches cake in existence. I LOVE tres leches cake so I try to get it wherever we go and nothing compares to Artemio’s. So as soon as I secured a slice of the cake, which was the very last one, I opened it up on the sidewalk and dove in as we walked to our dinner location. 

We ate at a place called Link’s Taproom which I am pretty sure is new, because my sister used to live in that neighborhood and I do not remember it. I could totally just have missed it all these times though. Anyways they are pretty much a sausage shop, but I’m not just talking a hot dog joint, I mean delicious interesting and unique sausages. I got a pork one (ok not that exotic) that was topped with onion and pineapple and a special yummy sauce and salsa verde and cilantro. Devin got a Ruben sausage that he gushed over. And we also got these fries to share, which were stupid delicious. Topped with bacon and chorizo and cheese and green onion and giardiniera and magic. Definitely magic.

Then we hopped on the Blue Line and headed for the loop. We got to the Chicago Theater at about 8:20 because even though the show started at 8:00 I knew there would be an opening act and we had assigned seats. But then while we were in line for a drink at 8:30 I heard Death Cab start and ran up to my seat leaving Devin behind. I am glad I didn't wait any longer to get there. The show was amazing! They played for a little less than 2 hours and even played my favorite song, Passenger Seat, which Devin recorded for me so I can relive it later on. Overall a wonderful date night in the city to celebrate the joyful news that started our Friday.

On Saturday my dad and brother left for a boys trip to Minnesota so it was just me, my mom and Devin. My mom and I are refurbishing a dresser we got from a family friend, so we started the day with a little manual labor of sanding and priming. By the time we got done with that the afternoon had rolled in so we cleaned ourselves up a bit and headed out to do some shopping. I was able to find an outfit to wear for my Brown Bag talk this upcoming Wednesday and we also stopped at Once Upon a Child and found some great things for Baby Cosme. My favorite finds include a pair of purple overalls that are covered in white polka dots and a little mint green romper that has pink flamingos on it. By the time we got home we were absolutely wiped, but thankfully Devin had gone grocery shopping and made us an amazing Italian pasta salad and chicken spinach fruit salad for dinner. He’s definitely a keeper.

Sunday brought more painting, and after some finishing touches that my Dad has to do, I will be able to post some before and after photos of the new dresser (spoiler alert - it is Mickey and Minnie inspired). Then we ventured to Costco for lunch and some much needed groceries before packing up the car for a drive back to Iowa. Although our past few weekends have been filled to the brim with activities I wouldn’t have it any other way. Nothing better than a weekend filled with family, good food, and of course a little shopping.

Genitalia: Normal

I don’t know if this is true for all doctor’s offices but at our office the results of your anatomy scan ultrasound are typed up nicely for the physician and under genitalia it either reads normal or abnormal (ours was normal). They do this because eventually these results end up in your online chart, and apparently when they had the label genitalia: female, it was ruining the surprise for couples who wished to remain in the dark about the precise details for their child’s genitalia.  So when our midwife came in to meet with us she was still in the dark, and that was the first time we got to tell someone the great news:

We have a daughter on the way.

I have to admit I thought it was a boy, though I wonder if I convinced myself so surely of this because as happy as I would be to have a son, I feel directionless in how to raise one. Mostly because I have such strong opinions about how I want to raise a little girl. A leader, strong, confident, body positive, generous, opinionated and informed, and a host of other qualities I believe don’t always come easily to girls in our current society. So when the ultrasound technician told us it is a girl, I immediately found my eyes full of tears and turned to Devin to say “A Girl. We’re having a girl.” Suddenly all those movements I’ve been feeling for the past couple weeks are even more meaningful; there isn’t just a baby in there. That’s our daughter moving around. Our daughter whose head measures in the 24 percentile and big round belly measures in the 68 percentile. Our daughter whose name we decided on months ago, before we even knew if we were having a girl. Our little lady, who is already so loved by so many people.

After our appointment I stopped at work and told the ladies the good news and then it was on the road to Chicago. My parents had the day off and we knew we wanted to tell them in a fun way so before we got to their house we stopped at the party store to pick up one of those big helium balloons.

When we walked in my mom was on the phone with my sister so she put her on speaker and I got to tell the two ladies who round out our current family female roster that we are adding one to the team. In fact now there will be 4 boys and 4 girls. My dad was outside mowing the lawn so I called him in to reveal the big pink balloon – both my parents had thought it was a boy too, so it was a big surprise for everyone! Now that we know it’s a she in there, I can’t help but envision trips to the American Girl store, daddy and daughter tea parties, talks of tampons, and prom dresses. There is so much we don’t know about her, and so many things that we won’t know for years. But for now we know one thing. In September we will have a daughter and we can hardly contain our excitement.